velvetechos | (no subject)

Dealing with people has never been my strong point. Alright, let me rephrase that, dealing with people in a confrontational, or even slightly disagreeable manner has never been my strong point. Am great an encouraging, consoling, advising, problem solving, and sticking up for others. Am absolutely horrible at sticking up for myself, confronting, or arguing. Unless it's some sort of silly political or ethics debate among friends. Ki just doesn't speak up. Ever really. So, maybe that's why the advisors at school suggested this communications course. It's a speech course, and it's scaring Ki more than the idea of thousands of little spiders crawling all over my tootsies in my sleep would, but, maybe it'll be good for me? Oh god, oh god, class hasn't even started and am on the verge of tears. They're going to eat me alive, aren't they? This is going to involve lots and lots of speaking in front of people. Holy shit, holy shit holy shit, oh gods, now they've gone and made me curse, didn't they? You see that? This is a bad, bad, bad, very bad idea. But it could be good for me? Ki refuses to do badly at school, will have to force meself up and in front of the class, and maybe Ki'll be brilliant, who knows. Oh my god. So close to having a little break down.

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Nate the big guy? And Seth with the pointy nose? Yeah they sucked! Elizabeth Owens was the first person I ever told that I masturbated. LoL! That was back when I was horribly ashamed of it and felt bad every time I did it. In exchange, she told me that she used both tampons AND pads. LoL! Oh the secrets we think are so vital back in junior high.

What did they do to you that made you withdraw? They suck. Poop on them!! Interesting gossip that you might now have known -- Elizabeth Owens has a kid now.

Alright, do you remember how Ki used to be really, really talkative? Like, ha! Think you were there in the back of Mrs. Murray's class when Ki did a little Michael Jackson impression in the back of the classroom.... anyway... would never do something like that these days. But, here, follow this pattern, Ki used to collect stickers. Like, had notebooks full of stickers. And, used to talk to Nate, Seth, and Elizabeth a lot. Well, offered them some stickers one day, was looking at them, waiting for an answer, and just as self was about to ask them again, Nate said "Watch, she'll ask again in a second", and Seth nodded, and Elizabeth said something to the effect of "Yeah. Why do you repeat everything you say?". And, ever since then, Ki's just kind of not really spoken at all, it got so bad that in third grade they'd send me to Mrs. Testa, that social counselor, because I wouldn't talk to anyone, heh. Not sure why that's had such an impact on me, but, it sticks out in my mind, and it shouldn't, so that must be what it was.

Ok, I was totally thinking of Elizabeth Owen (no S at the end) and now I remember that they always used to get each other confused. The part where I figured it out what the part about Mrs. Murray cuz the Elizabeth with no S wasn't with us till Jr. High. So scratch all that gossip I told you about. And now that I know who you are talking about...yeah, she was a big biyatch. I remember she kicked some kid in the kidney or something in first grade and it was so hard he lost blood and had to go to the hospital.

Anyway, I don't remember the Michael Jackson thing cuz I didn't have Mrs. Murray (was that 2nd or 3rd grade? i had thompson -- bitch and steinnecker -- funny story about steinnecker that is SO off topic, but i went to college with her neice, Sara, who was a sweetheart.)

Anyway, they suck! I repeat myself all the time...esp. when people don't answer me right away. If they don't wanna acknowledge me, they can suffer. And I know it's probably too late to reverse childhood incidences, but they were jerks and don't let what they said represent the rest of the world.

P.S. Don't get mad or feel bad, but tiny confession time...I was kinda scared of you in elementary school. Pre-Kiki. Back when you were still Karla...and before I knew Liz and stuff.

Hahah! Know that you were nervous around me, we'd "fight" all the time. Mrs. Murray was second grade...
Also, I find it kind of amusing that in middle school we'd argue a little here and there, and call each other gay, and, ummm.... now, uhh... look at both of us.

LoL! I think my primary defense back in the day was "well you're a LESBIAN!" HAHA! I was so subconsciously in the closet and screaming to come out. I had no clue what was inside of me.

P.S. I just thought you'd like to know that I am glad we still know each other. I know back them, out of all those people who we knew in elementary school, if I thought of who I would know at 23, I never would have thought it would be you. And you are the only one I still see or talk to. And I am really glad we are friends. :) And that was really mushy, but I had to say it.