(no subject)

[velvetechos]

I think I'm having issues. I've noticed that with most of the people I talk to (and it's not any of you people who'd be reading this, so don't worry your pretty little heads there)I have a superiority problem. I listen to what they're saying, and I'm belittling them in my head, but I'm too stuck up and polite to actually bite their heads off. And for that matter, I'm too bored and too lonely to stop talking to them. I've done this my entire life. It must come from not being accepted by anybody except for losers (aside from a group of four close friends, whom I've remained friends with from high school, and one friend back in CT). Because most people do not like me, or like me but do not relate to me, I hate them while I'm talking to them. Because most people who do like me, don't really like me, they just think I'm "different" and therefore "cool" and make stupid assumptions about me, and ask me stupid questions, or actually think I give a damn about their stupid problems. So I talk shit in my head about everything they're saying, all the while, bobbing my head in aggreance and saying "yup, yeah, uh huh". And then I later subject myself to the divine torture of their company again the very next day or week or month, or whenever. I develop a bitter hatred for them, and begin to perceive all these people as stupid lowly worms who wish to eat my dirt and fertilize my garden over and over again, as you rip them in half and watch them multiply. I think Idaho is driving me insane. I'm definitely not a big city person, I love everything out here, except these idiotic close minded Mormon freaks. I'm a walking paradox, I hate all these people and their stupidity, but I wish to become a counselor or a juvenille probation officer, in order to help people, because some small grain in me wants to make everybody's life better.